Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

Acorn St is the most photographed street in Boston and it’s easy to see why. It’s a gorgeous street with plenty of vintage charm. Acorn Street is located in Beacon Hill, a very wealthy neighborhood in downtown Boston. If you’re anything like me and prone to daydreaming, it’s easy enough to envision yourself living here as long as you don’t get into the nitty-gritty details of how to move. Brick townhouses have always captured my imagination, but I don’t love the idea of having to move into a three-story walk-up. Additionally, as it is an old neighborhood in an old city, the streets can be quite narrow, so getting a Uhaul in would be an ordeal. But once you’re settled in, you’d be living the easy life of luxury. This neighborhood abuts the Boston Common, the Public Garden, and the Charles River. It’s also very close to the theater district and Back Bay’s Newberry Street. You can easily imagine yourself shopping at the boutiques in Beacon Hill or strolling the luxury shops of Newberry Street. Nice days can be spent wandering the gardens or picnicking in the Common. Nights would be spent taking in live performances or having dinner at local restaurants.

Such a walkable area lends itself easily to pictures of leisure time. Something about the brick townhouses and narrow, occasionally brick-lined or cobblestone streets make you forget that you’re in a major metropolitan city. Instead, it retains an uncharacteristic quaint and cozy charm. To attain such an aesthetic life you must have constant access to significant financial resources. First, the townhouses regularly sell for a couple million dollars. Then, naturally, those visions of high-end boutiques, live theater, and fancy dinners cost money, especially in such an expensive city. So how do you fund this lifestyle?

Potentially you’re in business and own/run one of these high-end boutiques or restaurants. Potentially you work from home in a well-paying field like tech or finance. Most likely you will have to commute to an office, which either requires a car if you’re working outside the city or requires you to take the T. Car ownership in this neighborhood sounds like an absolute nightmare: there’s no parking, the roads are narrow, it’s crowded with pedestrians, and there’s plenty of downtown traffic once you leave the neighborhood. Taking the T is not as bad, but you’re still dealing with rush-hour crowds. And unfortunately, Boston’s public transportation trains often experience slowdowns, interruptions to service, or shutdowns for repairs. Yes, you can take buses but you’re once again dealing with downtown traffic which aside from making the ride slow can mean that the bus you’re looking for is not on schedule and difficult to predict even with the aid of technology.

But these mundanities are not what I actually envision when a picture of Acorn Street strikes my imagination. Instead, I picture the days of warm weather where I could open the windows and enjoy a morning cup of tea in a very clean aesthetic kitchen. I’d dress every day like I was wanting to look my best. I can run errands supporting small businesses within walking distance and spend a calm afternoon reading in the common enjoying the sunshine. But since I have so much free time, I’d also get involved in state politics (and not feel like an imposter). I’d pay frequent visits to the state house just a few blocks away and feel like I’m having a positive impact on the community around me.

I think you’ll notice a theme in these imaginings: the fantasy self. Especially in regards to how I spend my time I am on a constant journey of self-improvement. I have an image in my head of the type of person I want to be and I don’t often live up to that. For example, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I love reading, but I still waste hours on my phone telling myself I want to be reading more. These sorts of imaginings are a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, I can feel really inspired to make aspects of that life a reality. However, when I have tough days despite my intentions, these daydreams can feel completely unattainable.

Logically I know that I have to be kinder to myself. We all have tough days and it is so harmful to expect perfection of ourselves. In moments when I feel defeated about reaching my goals, I try to cultivate gratitude. I take time to notice the small things. Maybe I didn’t live a perfectly aesthetic life of getting up early on a weekend and going to an organic grocery store, but I did make my bed, which makes me happy about my room. I did listen to a podcast or watch a YouTube video and I feel I learned something new about the world around me and/or the people I share it with. Maybe I didn’t read 100 pages of a book in one sitting but I did peruse the headlines and feel a little more involved in the world.

Ultimately that is the best approach. Yes, this approach sustainably builds better habits that bring me closer to my goals. But more importantly, when I picture this ideal version of myself I am not picturing someone who berates herself, but rather someone who moves through the world externally and internally with compassion and grace. If I want to live in a world where compassion and community are fostered I have to first break the habit of using unkind words when someone is human. Because it is human to need rest. It is human to be imperfect. and it is human to strive for more.

As I bring this post to its conclusion I should note that while the aesthetics and circumstances of this imagined life may be pretty they’re not necessary. The point of these imaginings is to learn the kind of person I want to be. Sometimes it is easier to let your imagination run free when you give yourself unknown or unrealistic circumstances. I can be that kind of person while living in a less-than-perfect two-bedroom apartment on the outskirts of Boston.