Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

Self-care is such a necessary part of treating mental and emotional health concerns. Therapy and medication can be so important for so many people but ultimately these supports need the constant reinforcement of self-care to truly be effective. In today’s age, especially on the internet self-care can often be commercialized. It’s portrayed as buying expensive skincare or buying a one-time-use bath bomb. But items are not self-care. Self-care is a practice, it is action. Yes, spending time on your hygiene, and boosting your self-confidence can be self-care, but it does not matter how you do that. When we think of self-care we also often think about our minds and our emotions, but self-care also extends to our bodies, our relationships, and our spirituality.

For many self-care also needs to be a habit or routine. One-time meditation can lower your stress at the moment, but self-care requires an ongoing meditation practice, even if it’s just once a week. This being said I’m not necessarily the greatest at sticking to my own routine. This is where the nonjudgment principle from mindfulness is useful. I can acknowledge that I am off my routine without shaming myself and compassionately guide my mind and body back to what I want to spend my time and attention on.

Habits that I try my best to maintain include exercise and time outdoors. With my love of hiking, they often get combined especially now that spring is here. I also try to maintain a weekly cleaning and tidying routine. I make sure I include some socialization and check in on the people I love. I also know that journaling is an important habit for me and has been for at least a decade. I feel this won’t come as much of a shock, only someone very comfortable with writing starts a blog. Fun fact my journaling started because I was in love with the Dear America books series and dreamt that my journal might one day have that sense of importance. That being said I have lived through multiple world-shaking events and they don’t feature nearly as much in my journalling as the mundanities of my own mind.

For those who are looking to build their self-care routine, I recommend starting by identifying what your current routines are. It is easier to build onto existing patterns than to try to disrupt existing patterns to replace them with something else. This also means you should, to borrow from a social work saying, be meeting yourself where you currently are. Routines are never going to be sustainable if they require you to change everything about your personality and behaviors. This means scheduling self-care for the time of day when you have the most time and energy. It also means modifying self-care for what you are able to commit to.

Positive affirmations can be a great practice for many but it can be tough to switch from self-criticism to self-praise so instead aiming for self-neutrality can be helpful. Putting effort into our hygiene and appearance can be confidence boosting but the picture-perfect routine you see on the internet can be exhausting. Starting with some wet wipes next to the bed to wash your skin is potentially more accessible.

When it comes to caring for our bodies many of us know the exercise habits and eating habits we are told we should have but it is hard to stick to it. This is especially true if it feels like punishment, self-care should be about adding love and nurturement to our lives. Exercise can be scary to get into so I recommend starting with 2-3 minutes of joyful movement, whether that’s swaying to a song or walking to a favorite spot. Similarly, it is upsetting to commit to no snacking ever, but to commit to keeping our favorite foods and adding in any nutrients we might be missing in whatever form we find acceptable is going to allow us to focus on feeling better in our bodies.

Caring for our social and spiritual help looks different for everyone. A good place to start with our social help is to make sure we aren’t self-isolating. For many, it may look like spending time in person with or making a phone call to loved ones. For others, it may look like messaging long-distance or internet friends. Caring for spiritual health may look like participation in an organized religion for some. For others, it looks like connecting with nature or with their community. Participation and connection are intentionally broad terms. Again we want to meet ourselves where we are. If we aren’t up to routine church attendance or volunteer efforts we can still practice self-care in small ways, such as reflecting on how our values may align with our spirituality.

It can be difficult to remember all of these self-care options can be difficult when we are in the midst of a trying time. Stay tuned for the next post about one method we can use to keep reminders handy.