Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

Featured Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Part of your responsibility as a therapist is to challenge your clients. Most of the time that’s directly for their benefit, e.g. they say they want to create boundaries but create excuses to not enforce those boundaries. Sometimes, it’s holding them accountable for clinic practices, and still others it’s just standing up for yourself because you do not deserve to be verbally abused. All this to say therapists need not just conflict management and de-escalation skills, but also a strong set of coping skills to regulate their own emotions.

I am somewhere who has a significant reaction to any level of conflict or confrontation. Someone raising their voice around me gets my blood pressure skyrocketing. In addition, I am insecure about myself and my professional capabilities. So while navigating confrontation and conflict has thankfully not been a frequently needed tool, it is still vital to providing the best standard of care.

In my experience, the most vital tool one can have is a foreknowledge of how you react to confrontation. This knowledge allows you to be prepared for anything that may arise. Having self-awareness is key to implementing regulation skills that actually work for you. Personally, I find that daily maintenance is more important to me than in-the-moment efforts.

The best habit for me is an ongoing mindfulness practice. This allows me to maintain my daily stress levels so I have the emotional space to navigate whatever feelings arise in my workday. It also allows me to strengthen the skill of remaining focused on the situation at hand instead of giving my energy and attention to my anger/fear/stress. With mindfulness, I can maintain unconditional positive regard for my client despite my personal reactions to the confrontation.

Supportive supervision helps me provide the best possible services for clients. Not only can I regularly get feedback to improve my skills and assistance troubleshooting any barriers. I also find that having a supervisor who believes in and supports me builds my confidence so I can stick to my knowledge and experience when navigating confrontation.

Breathing techniques are my go-to in-the-moment skill. I am very aware of my body’s physical response to stress and the way that response feeds my emotions. When I’m in a confrontational situation my heart rate and blood pressure increase and my breathing gets more rapid and shallow. This feeling of fight or flight only reinforces my emotions of stress/fear/anger. Taking control of my breathing creates space for the mindfulness skills I’ve built.

I am grateful to have found skills that work for me to navigate the more difficult moments of my job. I overall find this work deeply fulfilling and I look forward to the ways I can continue to grow my professional skills. Do any of you have other skills or tools that you use to navigate confrontation?