Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

This month was interesting to say the least. For the most part I was able to avoid most temptation to buy things that were on my no list. This last week has been the most difficult. I think in many ways I built up this idea that come September my no buy was up and I could “go wild” so to speak. Being able to tell myself yes later has helped me manage any desires earlier in the month, but this past week it’s been hard to tell myself I have to wait a week because it feel so close it’s “unfair”.

This sort of mental fit I’d been throwing made me realize I still haven’t fully learned to manage those emotions of denial of things I want but don’t need. Due in part to this realization, but largely based on financials (which I will get into in a bit) I have decided I need to do something similar in September. I am instituting a week pause before I allow myself to buy anything unnecessary. Personally, I’m going to say books, makeup, and skincare are likely going to be on a no buy list for the rest of the year because I have too much and I really need to use up what I have. I have a couple of things I am considering buying the first week in September based on what I wanted in August. The most expensive and most questionable of which is a Nintendo Switch. I don’t really play video games which is why I’m trying to tell myself I don’t really need to drop $300 on something I’ll likely only use once a month when the novelty wears off.

I have been allowing myself to indulge much more in experiences. This weekend I’m going to Montreal and next weekend I’m doing an overnight in Portland ME. I am not really the type for souvenirs, but I like the idea that I can take a piece of the special vacation feeling home. Logically, I’m aware that I shouldn’t be trying to buy a feeling and I don’t want more stuff in my life I have no space for it. What will help me on these trips is a new financial challenge I’ll be trying in September.

To delve a little into the financial situation I need a bit of backstory. My family was very poor growing up and I could very clearly see the stress it took on my parents, especially after the divorce when I was 12. So I have a deep seated sense of guilt and fear around money and spending. Ironically that is sometimes self soothed by spending, both in the sense that it’s a temporary dopamine hit, but also it keeps me in a low level of financial anxiety that I am used to and comfortable with. I am unfamiliar and uncomfortable with a sense of financial stability so when my accounts approach certain metrics.

Two days ago, as I was talking about the then potential trip to Portland with my boyfriend my mom texted asking for an amount of money that I did not really have. Yes I technically had that amount in savings but all of those savings were earmarked for goals. With my mom I know that I need to give her money that I am ok never seeing again and that amount would hurt to just lose. She did wind up reaching out to my grandfather and getting things sorted out. The conversation put me in a state of overwhelming financial stress that I’m not comfortable with. I have a plan to address the concerns with my mom, but I also know that I want to build up my savings so that the next time this rolls around I don’t immediately spiral.

In September I’m instating both a one week waiting period between wanting and buying then whatever I decide I’m not buying I’m sending that amount to savings. For now I’ll be largely saving for short term interests such as Christmas presents, which I’ve already budgeted out and a potential trip next year.

Some of you may have noticed that I couched some of my statements when I described my success this month. It is slightly complicated. I had two volunteer shifts for the Prison Book Program. When donated books are unacceptable to be sent to patrons they’re set aside to be donated elsewhere or recycled. On occasion an unusable book may be taken by a volunteer, I happened to come across three books that were unable to be sent to patrons. I did take them home; one I read through immediately and will be bringing back to let other volunteers enjoy. I didn’t spend any money on these books so they didn’t set my financial goals back, but they did set me back in terms of working through the stuff I have.

I did need to go shopping for hair remover and instead of just buying one, the fact that the store was low in stock of the one I like led me to buy the last two that they had. I don’t typically collect this product so I know I will not be tempted to buy more backups. The one back up I have is also stored in a place where I frequently reach for other things so I’ll definitely remember that it’s there when the one I’m currently using runs out. I’m allowing myself to not feel bad about this but it did technically break the rules of the no buy.