Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

Featured Photo by Nik on Unsplash

There are a million different factors that go into my perfectionism streak. I don’t think it’s necessary to dive into them this time but suffice it to say I feel cripplingly inadequate if I’m not perfect. This has become increasingly obvious as I attempt to expand my experiences to things I am not immediately good at. Over the past few days, I have had two experiences that I was excited about in theory but when it came to action I self-sabotaged. I was not immediately good at the new thing I tried and so I felt like a failure. I kept apologizing to those around me, and while I could not articulate why I felt bad in that moment reflection has brought to light those thoughts of not being good enough, of not being enough.

As my loved ones constantly remind me, it’s okay not to be perfect. They don’t love me because of some perceived perfection but rather because I am me, flaws and all. I want to wholeheartedly embrace their love, and that means embracing the fact that perfection is not a prerequisite for being loved. Because that’s what it ultimately boils down to. If you are rejecting your own love for yourself, you will reject other’s love of you.

Interestingly, this does not mean that you need to love yourself before others will. Others already love you, opening yourself to that truth necessitates that you don’t reject the possibility of you loving yourself. For me that has so far looked like breathing through those moments of intense shame surrounding imperfection. I am starting by curbing my urge to apologize for being human.