Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

I heard recently that you need to stop consuming to create. This is because not consuming means you experience silence in which you can process your thoughts and emotions and turn them into something else. By definition transformative, this process creates space for healing.

I have spent the past few weeks running from any moment of silence. I have been feverishly consuming any media I can get my hands on: music, tv shows, podcasts, YouTube videos, books, articles. And what’s worse I can’t just engage in these art forms. I have to have them on 2x speed or I have to have another media in the background so there’s never a stray chance of being left with my thoughts. It wasn’t enough to temporarily dive into another world or another perspective, I had to build guard rails against the idea of returning to my own head.

Recognizing this self-sabotaging habit is one thing; changing it is another. I want to share the steps that helped me change this behavior, in case anyone else needs it, or in case future me needs the reminder.

Step number one is always going to be an assessment of your self talk. Shaming or judging yourself is only ever going to create more uncomfortable feelings that need self-soothing. Find compassion or at least neutrality for the avoidance that you are engaging in. For me a huge part of these also means letting myself accept that it’s going to take time before I’m ready to face my emotions. Trying to rush this part of the process is another form of judgement. This is another example of unintentional self sabotage, my brain tells me this judgement is to protect me from the consequences of the delay, but dealing with the judgement is it’s own delay. Once I accept that the when of the process is out of my control I don’t typically have to wait long.

The other crucial aspect is to ease into the process. When I start to recognize that it is the right time for me to experience the thoughts and emotions I’ve been avoiding I don’t immediately sit down for an hour of quiet contemplation. Instead, I might start with some journaling while soft music is playing. I might use a shortened pomodoro method of silence where I give myself 10-15 minutes of silent processing with 2-3 minute breaks of stimulation.

How long it takes to find healing and peace depends on a lot of factors. The primary benefit is of course improved mental and emotional wellbeing. I would be remiss, however, to not also show gratitude for the healed relationship I have towards consumption and creation at the end of it. Consumption is now about appreciating someone else’s creation and marveling at the beauty of the world, not just escapism.