Making the Internet My Accountability Partner

Over the past couple weeks I’ve struggled with my mental health in ways that feel pathetic to write out. I have done so much objectively speaking but I feel miserable because I feel like it’s not enough. I have days where all I care about is laying in bed and not doing the bare minimum but I blame myself for needing rest. Dishes will sit in the sink for days and while I slowly chip away at them the big things still scream at me, mentally speaking. I don’t know what switched the flip recently but I’ve made significant progress in my mental health and my autumn media bucket list (but not the dishes yet).

The morning of the switch flip I started watching Practical Magic. I do like to give myself lots of time in the morning to chill before work but I did not have enough time to finish the movie. When I paused the movie I had a little over 20 minutes left and I was worried. The romantic subplot was starting to go in an insta-love direction which kinda made sense for the movie but was deeply unsatisfying to watch. I’m so glad that’s not the route the movie went.

Finishing Practical Magic meant that I only had one media bucket list item left since I had read Goldie Vance the weekend before. I had borrowed it as an ebook and will say I’m probably not the target audience. I have recently borrowed an ebook of The Tea Dragon Society, so I’m hoping I like it better.

I’ve also made the chai cookie recipe in my bucket list. While they are tasty they are not the texture I had hoped they would be. The cookies are supposed to be topped with an icing but since they spread so much in the oven it’s just not practical. Ultimately I don’t think I’ll be making this exact recipe again, but I’ll be open to future chai inspired recipes.

Like I said I’ve done so many things to make the most of the autumn season and yet there’s still so much on my list. As excited as I was to have this list of inspiration for how to spend my free time, it has become a list of obligations in my mind. My excitement has warped. I am not ready to abandon the idea of a seasonal bucket list, but I need to find a way to approach this with sustained excitement of options not obligations.